I am not sure if this is the right place, but I was curious if there is any reason why this is the case.
Recently during a social event with my autism organisation, we had a joint event between our branch and another. I mostly stayed with my friend, but eventually I got chatting to one of the guys from the other branch just because there was a topic of interest.
Although we only really chatted for a bit, and then I went around with my friend, I exchanged numbers with the other person and he said it would be nice to have another friend, as neither of us have very many.
We have chatted a bit since on What's App, but by the second or third message (bearing in mind we were connecting as friends, and not romantic interests to my knowledge) he asked if I was "top or bottom" (out of curiousity).
I explained that I am a virgin and have never had much interest in sex, and there was some conversation about the whole thing, before moving on.
We haven't spoken a great deal much since, but I am just confused as to why that would even be a topic of discussion so quickly, even if there was romantic intent.
Like, I could understand if it seemed to be leading anywhere, and I know that I am not the best at understanding social cues and other's intent, but the whole thing is confusing.
Even when I was working in my 20's, quite a few of my colleagues in several of the jobs (primarily males) would often ask about my sex life, etc. I had a girlfriend for three years, and one of the guys I worked with asked me just about every Monday morning when we got to work if I'd "got any" over the weekend.
Truth be told, over the last 8-12 months I have actually started to develop a limited interest in a more intimate relationship, but given that I struggle to even talk to most people, and the few times I have attempted online dating it dies out quickly when my lack of sexual experience comes to light, I doubt that I will ever do anything about it, I am just not repulsed by the idea anymore. I wouldn't say I want to try it, I am just not opposed to it if I got to know someone well enough.
I'm just really confused about why it is such an important aspect of people's lives?
I am not sure if this is the right place, but I was curious if there is any reason why this is the case.
Recently during a social event with my autism organisation, we had a joint event between our branch and another. I mostly stayed with my friend, but eventually I got chatting to one of the guys from the other branch just because there was a topic of interest.
Although we only really chatted for a bit, and then I went around with my friend, I exchanged numbers with the other person and he said it would be nice to have another friend, as neither of us have very many.
We have chatted a bit since on What's App, but by the second or third message (bearing in mind we were connecting as friends, and not romantic interests to my knowledge) he asked if I was "top or bottom" (out of curiousity).
I explained that I am a virgin and have never had much interest in sex, and there was some conversation about the whole thing, before moving on.
We haven't spoken a great deal much since, but I am just confused as to why that would even be a topic of discussion so quickly, even if there was romantic intent.
Like, I could understand if it seemed to be leading anywhere, and I know that I am not the best at understanding social cues and other's intent, but the whole thing is confusing.
Even when I was working in my 20's, quite a few of my colleagues in several of the jobs (primarily males) would often ask about my sex life, etc. I had a girlfriend for three years, and one of the guys I worked with asked me just about every Monday morning when we got to work if I'd "got any" over the weekend.
Truth be told, over the last 8-12 months I have actually started to develop a limited interest in a more intimate relationship, but given that I struggle to even talk to most people, and the few times I have attempted online dating it dies out quickly when my lack of sexual experience comes to light, I doubt that I will ever do anything about it, I am just not repulsed by the idea anymore. I wouldn't say I want to try it, I am just not opposed to it if I got to know someone well enough.
I'm just really confused about why it is such an important aspect of people's lives?
You're right that those comments are out of line. If it were just the first story, I might chalk it up to "Autistic person says socially inappropriate thing" and move on, but no, having your colleagues repeatedly inquire about your sexual history is something else.
Regarding why people think it's so important, how cynical or grouchy I get with that answer depends on my mood. I guess I'm in a rather cynical, grouchy mood today, so here we go.
Let's star with this. For most aces, sex ranges somewhere from "something scary and violating" to "I eventually want kids and we know the saying, 'you can't make an omelette without fertilizing a few eggs,' or something like that" to "a compromise you have to make for your partner" to "something that makes your partner happy, and by extension makes you happy."
For many allos, sex can range from "something that can strengthen the connection in a loving relationship" to "the main motivator behind a relationship" to "something to seek out and try to get."
Let's look at that last one. In many parts of our culture, sex is considered a major achievement. If you have sex, it's because you're charismatic and successfully attracted a partner into bed with you. If you don't it's because you were unable to do so. I LOATHE the version of self-help that I've heard of from Bill Maher and Jesse Saperstein of "let your sexual desires motivate you to be a more productive person." From that perspective, having sex is a sign of power, status, and your worth as a person. (Presuming heterosexuality, there's also the notion that men are easier to convince to have sex, so according to this problematic mindset, for a woman to be a virgin she must really ugly and have nothing to offer, and for a man to be a virgin he must be uncharismatic. To be clear, this is not a sentiment I agree with or endorse, but I wanted to describe what I have perceived from other people.)
So, short version, it's not important because of sex. It's important to them because it shows "I wanted something and I got it." This problematic attitude toward sex leads to some VERY problematic behaviors and manipulation tactics.
